Nothing like a good parable, right?

At 12 a.m. last night, Mrs. M. was in bed. I started a load of laundry for her. I sat down on her loveseat and thought to myself, "Great. There's nothing else to do but...read the Bible." Hey, I'm just putting it out there as honestly as I can. I did bring it with me to work, but I truly did not want to read it. So, I sat down, opened it up to where I left off, and said, "God, I don't want to read this. I really don't feel like it."

After reading one chapter, I got nothin'.

Starting the next one, though, was different.

Bear with me. I'm copying and pasting it here not just so that others can see it, but also because it's easier for me to refer to it if I have it on the screen rather than, say, in my lap.

Parable of the Ten Bridesmaids

“Then the Kingdom of Heaven will be like ten bridesmaids who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. 2Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. 3The five who were foolish didn’t take enough olive oil for their lamps, 4but the other five were wise enough to take along extra oil. 5When the bridegroom was delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

6“At midnight they were roused by the shout, ‘Look, the bridegroom is coming! Come out and meet him!’

7“All the bridesmaids got up and prepared their lamps. 8Then the five foolish ones asked the others, ‘Please give us some of your oil because our lamps are going out.’

9“But the others replied, ‘We don’t have enough for all of us. Go to a shop and buy some for yourselves.’

10“But while they were gone to buy oil, the bridegroom came. Then those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was locked. 11Later, when the other five bridesmaids returned, they stood outside, calling, ‘Lord! Lord! Open the door for us!’

12“But he called back, ‘Believe me, I don’t know you!’

13“So you, too, must keep watch! For you do not know the day or hour of my return."

Okay, so...I'm pretty familiar with this parable. Some of you might know it better as the Parable of the Ten Virgins. No matter. What new could I possibly find here, right? Five were prepared; five weren't. That's pretty simple. Straightforward. Couldn't possibly be more to it.

See, here's where my mind starts to play games with me. I sat there, after journaling, thinking to myself that I just read way too much into this passage of Scripture that I just read. I was certain that I was being too...oh, I don't know...figurative? Symbolic? Complex?

Maybe I was. Maybe I'm totally off. Maybe I did read way too much into it. I'll share anyway, though, because it seems to have stayed on my mind all day.

The first thing that stood out to me was the amount of oil that each five had and why. Not only did the five Girl Scout bridesmaids have enough oil, they brought extra. Why? Why would they think to bring extra? It seems to me that they were willing to wait as long as it took for the bridegroom. Whatever it was going to take, they were willing. They were ready.

And then we have the five Slacker bridesmaids (i.e. me and maybe you?). Not only did they not bring any extra oil, they didn't even have enough to fill their lamps to begin with. They weren't even prepared to meet an immediate need. They shouldn't have even left. It's like they didn't think they'd really have to use their lamps at all. Maybe they weren't even expecting the bridegroom to come. Or perhaps they just thought it would be easier to coast off someone else's back like they'd been doing all their lives. Maybe they thought the bridegroom himself would get them all set when he came.

Notice that all ten bridesmaids, the Girls Scouts and the Slackers, fell asleep. The Girls Scouts weren't perfect, just prepared.

I can't help but think about what my expectations are of God in my life. Just going by my behavior and knowing my inner thoughts, I sure don't expect much. I don't. I don't expect God to heal or bring together or change circumstances or reward or help or anything, really. Sad, isn't it? The funny thing is that I can believe this for others but not necessarily myself. Well, if I can't believe it for myself, then what good is my "belief" for someone else? What a joke.

Driving on highway 301 earlier this afternoon with my iPod on shuffle, Chris Quilala's "Your Love is Everything" came on. I skipped it. I went back. I skipped it. Nope, go back. One of the lyrics says, "And I will not forget/that nothing is impossible."

What do I believe isn't impossible? I know in my mind that God can enable me to get pregnant. I can reason that in my mind. Sometimes, though, no matter how good something is and how many people try to encourage you about what God's will is and how He grants the desires of our hearts (see Psalm 37:4), God doesn't always do what we think He would do. What if the "impossible" thing God wants to do in my heart is to give me peace about never having "natural" children? What if the "impossible" thing God wants to do in my heart is my acceptance, even my embrace of the truth that He is literally enough, no matter what He decides to give or take away?

I have to stop and think about that for a while. I'll tell you one thing: I do not have enough oil as of right now to be excited about this revelation (if that's even what I should call it). Reading about it, acknowledging it, and even meditating on it is a start, I guess.