I'm beginning to wonder just what exactly God is doing inside of me. I'm starting to find myself drawn to give up a lot of things, things that most Christians would not think twice about. I keep thinking that He is calling me to extremism, but really..........can anything I do or anything I give up for His sake be too extreme? Take wearing make-up, for example. I'm realizing that I truly don't need to occupy my time worrying about it or wasting money on it. A lot of Christian women would consider this an "extreme" point of view. Is it really? Is giving up make-up extreme? It's make-up, not amputating a limb. And since I'm on the topic of make-up, I wonder how many Christian women out there would be willing to never wear it again. Personally, I can honestly say that it really scares me to not rely on it anymore to feel good about myself. Doesn't that say something right there? Why do I need it to feel like I look presentable? If you're a woman reading this, take a minute and just think about how ridiculous that is. We spend so much money and time trying to look better (what other reason is there for wearing it?), and I can't imagine that God doesn't have an opinion about it. I wonder how He felt all those times when I thought to myself that at least I would look "okay" after putting on about 5 different cosmetics on my face. I don't know about you, but I want freedom from that mindset. I think God wants me to have that freedom, too.
Another thing that has been on my mind are the movies I watch. If you know me at all, you know how much I love movies. I literally went into panic mode just at the thought of cutting out the bulk of what I would normally watch. My need for entertainment is so great that I became completely okay with God's name being taken in vain. My need for entertainment is so great that I found nothing wrong with amusing myself with sins that Christ died for. Most Christians would say that it's not a big deal and that these things can be viewed without having any effects on them. It's supposed to be a sign of spiritual maturity, sort of knowing just how much of the world you can dabble in. At one point in time, I had that same opinion. I'm not so convinced anymore. I keep thinking about the Scriptures that say, "Turn my eyes from worthless things" (Psalm 119:37), and "I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar" (Psalm 101:3). Was it easy to cancel my
Netflix subscription? No. How important is it to me to see that God's name is honored? I want it to be so crucial to me that I can't stand to entertain myself with things that mock Him and the sins that His Son died for. There was a movie I wanted to go see yesterday at the dollar theater, and after looking up what sort of content was in the film, I realized that I should not go see it. But I really wanted to! I had to make a hard decision to place honoring God's name above my desire to be entertained for 2 hours. I was really struggling. That in and of itself tells me that
something's wrong.
Anyway, a few days ago, I read this about Jesus in Mark 3:1-5:
Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. 2 Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus’ enemies watched Him closely. If He healed the man’s hand, they planned to accuse Him of working on the Sabbath. 3 Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, “Come and stand in front of everyone.” 4 Then He turned to His critics and asked, “Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?” But they wouldn’t answer Him. 5 He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then He said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!
It was good for me to see how Jesus handled His anger. He didn't lecture, He didn't yell, and He didn't allow His anger to sway Him from His focus. He expressed and vented His anger by correcting the problem at hand (no pun intended). He focused on what needed to be and could be changed.
It's all too easy for me to look around me at others and pass judgment. I don't want to be that way. Yes, I am angry and disappointed in the state of the Church in America. It blows my mind to know how much information we have at our fingertips 24/7/365, and yet radical change seems to be nonexistent. I can allow that anger and disappointment to drive me away from the faith (which is the direction I could have easily chosen not too long ago), or I can use what I feel to push me to focus on what I can correct: myself. I don't have to be like the rest of the world. I want more than that. I want something authentic, something radical, something extreme, something life-altering. And I think God wants that for me, too.
My heart has heard You say, “Come and talk with Me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” (Psalm 27:8)
Well, okay, Lord. We're talking about some scary stuff, but I would rather do these things for You than spend a lifetime in a place of safe, Americanized Christianity. So, yes, I am coming to hear and listen to all You have to say.....
